Friday, January 8, 2010
They say that sleeping for long periods of time is an example of being depressed. Well I can't drag myself out of bed before 1PM most days. It doesn't bother my dog Herman at all because he's adopted my schedule and sleeps as long as I do. The thing is that it's his sleeping so long that bother's me. A dog shouldn't sleep so long. Even if he's just out on the backyard run he shouldn't sleep so long but he wants to be where I am and I'm in bed. I haven't left the house in a week, sometimes two weeks if I don't have a doctor's appointment. Someone asked me what terrible thing would happen if I left the house and I said someone might recognize me and ask what I'm doing these days or ask how I am. I couldn't bear saying I'm doing absolutely nothing. I can think of things I could or should do but I'm not. It takes too damn much energy to even get dressed. In part I'm on a new anti-depressant which makes me sleepy but I'm supposed to reach a point of adjustment. I sound so self-pitying I don't think I could stand to read this if someone else was writing it. But even if it was 1pm I did get up and a therapist once said never under estimate the importance of just getting up. So I did manage to face another day. I'm hoping that I'm getting better bit by bit and just can't see it.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Just wanted to say Happy New Year to you all. You already know my resolution (to be in a better place at the end of 2010) and I'm wishing you all luck with whatever resolutions you may have made for this new year. Just watching the 11pm news, so much violence, so much death. It definitely makes you sit up and take a longer look at yourself. Somehow your life isn't quite so bad in the face of what many are struggling with. It's humbling.