The Wonder of Freedom

I live on the corner in a small city. Bus's come and go on my corner and I watch people waiting for the buses, sometimes huddling together during bad weather. Mothers and fathers walk past my house on their way to the large daycare center at the bottom of the hill. The problem is that I don't think of this as a house in the middle of a city. My tiny and I do mean tiny house has one amazing thing about it. The front has a sun room with almost floor to ceiling windows. Not knowing any better about cost and interest rates we had the windows installed almost the second we bought the house over 20 years ago. Now I've filled the windows with plants and anything else that meets my fancy. I pretend the room and my house is in the middle of the country. This can cause some problems when I dress as if I'm completely alone in the country - like staying in my pajamas all day. I'm usually yanked back to reality when someone runs the stop sign almost directly beside my house. The street ends in a T and running the stop sign can mean smashing into whoever is driving down the straight part of the T. It also means having to put up with people spinning their wheels and gunning their engines as they climb the hill. After 20 years I've become pretty tolerant about the cars. I have not, however, given up the feeling of living in the country. I live in one of those city's called "A Tree City." This means that back when America had money there was a grant program that provided seedlings to city's so they could move from asphalt to green. Since there was no money to maintain the trees they periodically have to be cut down due to old age but by and large it makes my little city quite pretty. Its one of the many things I love about it. When my British husband visited for the first time the crab apple trees were blooming. He was quite astonished.

I pretty much stay in pajamas unless all day unless I have to go out. For instance today is one of my favorite days - no doctor appointments, thus no reason to get into real clothes. The problem is I'm beginning to understand how old women become recluses who forget to shower, dress or even leave the house. I call them "Window Widows." We've all seen them. They sit staring out their windows, never moving, leaving us wondering why they don't leave the house. I live in terror of becoming a window widow and force myself every day to do something like work on my quilting, answer my email, something that makes me move. Still I have to admit there are definitely days when, due to the various illnesses, movement goes beyond a challenge to damn near impossible. Getting back to the title of this blog - the Wonder of Freedom - I have suffered for years from what I call the "Hurry Hurry's." I suspect many people suffer from this, particularly women. "Hurry hurry and get dressed. Don't read that newspaper you don't have the time. Why aren't you downstairs working on something substantive? Now you would think that the possibility of dying would make me move faster but In fact its helping me move slower. To do the many things I still want to do I have to slow down so I get them right and in the slowing down I'm finding an amazing peacefulness. Again you'd think someone whose retired has all the time in the world but trust me when I tell you it ain't easy to go from Type A to retired. Before I got seriously ill I thought I should tear down the house and rebuild it. After all I had to time. I'm working on creating daily time things I must do and daily things I want to do. Like at 8am do all my medical stuff (test for blood sugar, test for blood pressure, take insulin, take pills, spend 2 minutes on treadmill (it might not sound like much to you but any day I can move my legs is a very big deal) put in eye drops and on and on. On the one hand all the medical stuff bugs me and on the other hand I think its really important to show the transplant people I can toe the line and do whatever they ask of me. on time. I heard about a man who had to take 60 pills a day after the transplant so his body wouldn't reject the lung. At first it sounded like alot but I took a look at MY pill box and there are already over 20 pills in there. I was amazed. Well my fingers are giving me those signals that mean get off the keyboard stupid. I'll be back later.