Up At 2AM Again

I'm up watching the Grey's Anatomy I DVR'd. When you're seriously ill watching shows like Grey's Anatomy convinces you that your own illnesses aren't as real or scary. I'm also eating my second bowl of Lucky Charms - mainly because I ran out of Honey Nut Cheerios. I figure these things, short of my breaking down and making mac and cheese from scratch, are the closest I can get to serious comfort foods at this time of day. The pain is back like a runaway freight train. This time its in my left hip-the usual bone or joint pain. I've hauled out every legal painkiller I've got and that's saying something cause I've got alot. From oxycodone to neurontin to methadone to fentanyl . at one tine i figured out had the equivalent of $8,000 worth of pain killers. i knew where to go to sell them but with my luck i knew I'd get busted. Heavy duty painkillers for heavy duty pain. I've got so many diseases its a virtual card game to figure out which one is plaguing me at any given time. This makes it easy for the bad doctors to write me off and the good doctors to feel really bad about me.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm NOT into the self pity thing. Before I became a card carrying member of the disabled, chronically ill squad disabled people used to really annoy me. They were whiny and believed they had some God given right to be compensated for what they'd suffered. It was almost as bad as the expectations of black people and since I'm black you can imagine how well that went over during black history month discussions. Well that karma thing will get you every time. It sure got me. Over the course of 10 years I've gone from using a cane to a manual wheelchair, to a rolling walker to an electric scooter and a few things in- between In my lifetime I have gone from being a teenage welfare mother to being appointed Assistant Welfare Commissioner for my State. It's all been one hell of a journey.